2018 So Far

Three years down the road from Raw Man and I find myself embraced by that constant companion, chronic back pain. “Does writing help?” I’m about to find out. 

Lately I have been extremely disappointed with Facebook. It seems to me that they knowingly took Russian money during the 2016 election to sow divide and spread discontent among the American electorate. Democrats and Republicans, left and right and true moderates on both sides of the isle fell prey to silence following the fact that all seventeen of our security agencies reported that Russia penetrated our cyber-security defense and hacked it’s way into our election system. This is an Attack on The United States! What has agent orange done? You guessed it, NOTHING! Congress passed some sanctions but the administration has refused to implement any of these. 

I decided to do a 2018 post to see who is still out there with me.      Times been tough dog but great things beyond my wildest imagination have happened as a result of the publication of Raw Man. I have been reunited with Herman who for 47 years I thought had died in my arms.

As I mentioned above, I see the invidiousness of political attacks carried to extreme conclusions on both sides. On Facebook I have run across an idiot insisting that there are no  photos of Michelle Obama as a youth and absolutely none of her two pregnancies. Apparently Joan Rivers in her comedy act suggested the Michelle was transgender or a “tranny” as his post was written. He went on to suggest that nobody could ever come forward and testify that they knew President Obama as a child, young man or college student. Such bullshit! The sad thing is that there are the 34% of the population that believe this crap! They watch Fox News.

I believe that the majority of the problem lies in the deep seated racism lingering after the experience of having our first African American President. Trump started his political career off with the infamous racially motivated “birther movement.” This “Make America Great Again” slogan was none other than what his grandfather, a member of the Ku Klux Klan used to cry out while burning a cross.

The fact that Dotard Donald called his “handler” Putin to congratulate him on his election victory today in a sham of a rigged election of a dictator after senior staff put in all capital letters instructions, DO NOT CONGRATULATE HIM! He never brought up Russian hacking of our election or the murder of Russian dissidents in our biggest ally Great Britain follows the same tract of his refusal to acknowledge the Russian attack thinking of it as a threat to his legitimacy as president. 

Let us not forget about the sexual liaisons with what has now climbed to more than 15 women. That was enough to ruin Gary Hart and this fucking moron (Rex Tillerson’s words) not mine has so debased the office of the presidency that nothing he does or tweets shocks anyone anymore. He is unstable, mentally unfit to lead our great nation. He is  petty. He is cruel with no amount of charity or compassion. He does not understand how our government works. To him it’s about THE DEAL. What a great negotiator  he thinks he is. When North Korea approached him through the South he agreed to meet with no thought, consultation with advisers and staff he really fucked up. There are three Americans in prison there and he should of asked for their freedom as a precondition to the talks.

I do not like Mike Pence. However I would rather have a person who has served his country all his life rather than a psychopathic megalomaniac who has no intention of uniting the country but rather pander to his 34% base with lies, racist statements and actions that embarrass us on the world stage. It’s time to move on from a want to be Third World Dictator and restore the office of the President of the United States as the leader of the free world. His nepotism, multiple conflicts of interest in his business dealings, his failure to put the security of our country above his personal ambitions make this, after only one year, the worst administration in modern American history.

I urge you to vote by mail in November. He has not protected us from Russian meddling in our election. This is a dereliction of duty. 

REUNION UPDATE

You will not believe what happened and what is happening. Five years ago three Iraq veterans started a closed facebook page titled, Veterans With PTSD. They felt that by communicating with others suffering from the horrors of war, they could start to heal themselves. In 2014 I joined and as I journaled, they found that they liked what I had to say being older and more experienced. They made me Administrator. One of the three is Sgt. John Marek and he and I developed a friendship that grew from facebook postings to phone calls. When Raw Man was released in 2015, he bought book #1 in the Author’s Limited Edition. He loved the book and our friendship grew. At the beginning of April, he wanted to send me a gift for the help he feels he has received from me. It was an etching of Herman’s name from The Wall but it was missing. John called me and we both went into shock. He is Military Police and asked me if I wanted him to find Herman. I said yes and he issued a BOLO for the Detroit area that came out with so many Herman Johnson’s that he decided to contact the Blackhorse Association and they had a HJ living in Warren MI. He sent a three-man team to the address and they reported signs of live with no occupant. He sent them out again three days later and received the same report. John asked me if we wanted to continue and I told him to shut the op down and give me the address.

 

I was in shock, emotionally topsy-turvy and wrote him a letter and carried it in my car for three weeks before having the courage to send it one day. Why so scared you may ask? I felt fraudulent. The most traumatic event ever to happen to me in the last 47 years was not real. Memories had twisted and turned into shapes so foreign to me that I could not accept them.

 

THEN HE CALLED.

 

The first words out of his mouth were, “Fred, my nigger! It was the 20-year-old best friend that I lost in Vietnam. We talked for five hours that first day. He said that I was a crazy killing machine. That scared the shit out of me. I don’t remember being overly aggressive. He was adamant that I was “a crazy motherfucker.” Before I told him about the book, he talked about how we set up trip flares and claymores every night. Then he said “We even took acid!” I told him I wrote a whole chapter about it.  That’s when I told him about my book and how he died in my arms. He said “Fred, I did die in your arms. I was unconscious from taking shrapnel to my head and a head wound bleed like a stuffed pig. That’s why you thought it was the carotid. But I knew you were holding me. Real tight. I heard you screaming at the medics when they tried to pry me loose from your grasp. But Fred I did die! When I came to I saw blue skies and a tag on my toe.”

 

Within days, I was able to get a copy of his field treatment. The medic stated that he treated Johnson for a head wound, dressed it and returned him to the line to resume his duty as a machine gunner due to the intense enemy attack. I was able to locate the medic who is now an MD and he wrote an affidavit, I wrote one, and Sgt. Marek wrote one and I obtained the form to get Herman the Purple Heart that he never received. Herman signed me over as console and I contacted his Congressman, spoke to an aid who when I told him the story, was knocked out. It seems like just the day before he saw Herman walking in the parking lot of the aid’s apartment complex carrying an armful of photos. Seeing him struggling, the aid stopped and asked him if he needed help. Herman went on to tell him this bizarre story about finding his best friend from Vietnam who thought he was dead. The aid presented Herman with the same medallion that I have of the 50th Commemoration of Vietnam. Can you imagine the look on the aid’s face when he went to work the next day and found my email in his inbox? This was too strange. There was something at work in the Universe beyond our comprehension.

 

Congressman Levi realized this and just this morning Herman met with him and took him all the paperwork that I had prepared to obtain the Purple Heart before July 9.

 

Wait a minute. What is July 9? Oh I forgot to tell you that in 1995 I was one of the first American veterans to visit Vietnam. I met a wonderful documentary filmmaker named Richard Chisolm from Baltimore. We have been friends since then. After speaking to Herman, we decided that we had to meet. We had to see and touch each other’s faces. Herman told me that the first words out of his mouth when he came to were “Where’s Fred?”

Richard agreed to film the reunion and Herman and I decided to meet at the Wall. We are raising money via GoFundMe an internet platform for raising money. My publisher and I are going to write a new book about our lives intertwining during the last 47 years.

 

Friends and family have been more than generous. One donated all round trip airfares for Lynda and me, Sgt. Marek, Herman, and my publisher Thornton Sully. Another has paid for 5 suites for 5 nights at the River Inn in DC. We have raised $2,000 on GoFundMe to cover the film crew. We still need a few more dollars to cover food, transportation, and incidentals. If you can afford $25 please help us to be financially secure on this once in a lifetime event.

 

 

Please visit:  https://www.gofundme.com/23zqxwyc

HE IS ALIVE

Friends, family, and followers. For 47 years I have believed that my best friend Herman  Johnson died in my arms on September 6, 1969. Somewhere in Texas a great MP named John Merek read Raw Man and we teamed up together to help Veterans With PTSD. John wanted to give me a gift for all of the good that has come out of my book but in the process, he discovered that Herman was not on the wall. Being a policeman, he looked in Detroit and with some help, he located Herman in Warren MI. We started talking and decided to meet in July at The Wall. I also discovered that Herman never received his Purple Heart. I contacted Herman’s Congressman, Sander Levin and he is helping to expedite this long overdue medal. Please help us raise money for our trip to DC

Cormac McCarthy

I recently received a strong endorsement from Richard Wallach the head of the Cormac McCarthy Society. This is an honor to be recognized by such a prestigious group of scholars.

I have been invited to speak at next years Cormac McCarthy Society convention in El Paso. Here is what Rick had to say,

I found out about this novel during the usual New Year’s correspondence with Society members about renewing their annual memberships. Fred mentioned in the course of renewing his that he’d written a novel, parts of which were influenced by elements of Blood Meridian. Several critics, notably Barclay Owen and John Beck, have related Blood Meridian to the Vietnam War because it was largely composed while it was going on, so I found the proposition doubly interesting and ordered a copy of Fred’s book.

Let me say first off that it’s a terrific read. I went through its roughly 250 pages in only a couple of sittings; the language is clean, sinuous and propulsive and the narrative just barrels along. It is structured loosely around Fred’s letters home to his family from the war, letters he discovered his mother had saved, literally every one of them, while he and his sister were sorting through her estate after she passed away. Those epistles were the collective mnemonic device Fred used to return himself to the battlefield. It couldn’t have been easy. As I mentioned to Fred earlier today, it turns the very difficult trick of feeling immediate and current, not retrospective. On the few occasions I put it down I felt wet, muddy and bug-bit, and often shaken up, as though I’d been in some of those hellish combat situations right along with the narrator. As a war novel, it’s as different from, say, Going After Cacciato as Johnny Got His Gun is from Gravity’s Rainbow. It has its humor, but it’s never cartoonish even if it is often nightmarishly surreal.

These days, when some dogs are barking loudly for “boots on the ground” in Syria and Iraq, this novel is, among many other things, a tonic reminder of the ugliness and futility of war.

I’m recommending the book to everyone who wants to see the judge’s philosophy in action. I expect that Fred will be along soon enough to talk about how McCarthy’s work helped him organize and structure some of the most powerful scenes in his novel.

Morning is a Canvas

And I am left with agony. So perfect that it enhances my gratitude. It gives life to my humility and generosity. My resilience and perseverance are made stronger and brighter and in the end, my portrait is full of wonder, generosity and kindness that would not be present without my pain.

Peter Himmelman Musings

Self Portrait 8-8-14 copy

Morning is a canvas, broad and tall. “Do with me as you will,” it says.

So I take all the shades of anger, from rage to grousing, and set them aside —for later perhaps, but not for now.

The three large tubes of regret and melancholy too, I hide them in a drawer.

And over here, under a cloth, are seven different hues of conceit and pettiness. They go into the locked cabinet.

Recrimination briefly catches my eye, but I set it aside as well.

And soon, I am left with these:

Hope, resilience, wonder, generosity, vigor, action, kindness, perseverance, humility, and gratitude.

I dip the edge of my brush in hope, and touch it to the canvas.

View original post

Raw Man Blues Show (Best of)

Since the beginning of July, I have been fortunate to have had the opportunity to put Raw Man into an audiobook like format on 949thebridge.com. My friend and former staion  owner of KRTM in Temecula bought a radio station in Oregon with his lovely wife Micky. When they owned KRTM in Temecula, I had the Nightcrawler Blues Show every Sunday from 6-8 PM.

Now I am proud to say that the Raw Man Blues Show has entered it’s seventh month on The Bridge. Please listen on the internet on your computer, phone, or other listening device. Simply go to http://www.949thebridge.com and press play any Sunday from 6-8 PM. I now have a direct link on this page to the show. Remember,

“It’s The Blues Baby!

Join me on the Bridge. Here is a sample:

 

 

The Plight of The Vietnam Veteran 2016

When this Blog was first posted on May 5, 2015, our Publishing Team at A Word With You Press, myself, and everyone involved was ecstatic at watching a manuscript become a book. A REAL BOOK with an ISBN number. WOW! I never took a writing class, composition, grammar,anything of that sort in my life. NOTHING! I had an AA degree in music taken just to support myself after the Nam. What I had was a story. One that in order to tell, would require me to revisit the most horrid, hellish places of my life. I felt that if I could help one person, I would go there.
It is well over a year and sales started slowing down. An order here from Hoyt, Kansas. One from Texas. How were these people hearing of my book?  Today I received an email from WordPress, the place that my website is parked. It told me that most people are finding out about Raw Man from face book and Veteran Websites. It warmed my heart. Thornton Sully my publisher has always said, “Fred, don’t worry about it. Your book has no shelf life.” I finally understood when yesterday we received our second order of books from the University of Idaho.  WordPress also pointed out that sometimes, if you re-post a blog that generated a large amount of interest, you will generate a large amount of more interest. ?
Here it goes.
Welcome to the hundreds of new followers of the Raw Man website.
When Billy Holder set up our site five months ago, I gave a message and made a promise to all who support my endeavor of carrying the message to all veterans suffering from PTSD . First the message: There is hope for all who suffer from this terrible condition for a life free of trauma and suffering. Secondly the promise; that I would donate all of my profits from the sale of tee-shirts to a worthy cause for the veteran still suffering.
Somewhere along the line, the term Veteran was replaced with Warrior. To quote a line from Raw Man, “This happened as everything else happened, without me even noticing it.”
One of the first organizations that I approached with the proposal of donating money was Wounded Warriors. It seems like they felt my donation would be too small and they not only scoffed at my idea but told me, “We don’t help Vietnam Veterans.” I guess we were not Warriors to them but as I say in my KPBS radio interview, “the Vietnam Veteran remains America’s bastard son.” They treated me with much the same disdain as the American public did when we returned  from the war. My friend David Gebhard was kind enough to send me the following link: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/05/04/wounded-warrior-charity-unleashes-hell-on-other-veteran-groups.html   I hope that you take the time to read this article and see why I have decided to donate my money to Veteran’s Village Of San Diego. http://www.vvsd.net/   A cause that has welcomed the donation of Raw Man tee-shirts and where I suggest you consider reading more about them and maybe donating some of your time or money to this worthy cause. Leave no Veteran Behind
Raw Man